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Confronting the silent epidemic of Shame

  ‘Shame’ was a word I often heard during my teens. It was mostly my mother who used it, and always in the context of “Have you no shame?” I hated hearing that word, as it was only used whenever I had done something that did not meet her expectations. During those moments, I’d feel

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A Space For Us – The Quest Mosaic

A mosaic is defined as a pattern or picture made using many small pieces of coloured stone or glass. Relating this to myself, what I find especially meaningful is how differences brought together can create something powerfully beautiful.

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Second grant awarded to The Quest!

The Quest is one of 120 social entrepreneurs who have been awarded funding from UnLtd’s Inclusive Recovery Fund, a £4.75 million fund to help social entrepreneurs in England deliver their important services while adapting to challenges presented by the coronavirus crisis.

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Solitary Confinement: The Story of my gay childhood

“Obama administration urges states to curb the use of solitary confinement” is the headline in The Guardian. It captured my attention so much, but why? I’ve never been to prison or been affected by somebody being incarcerated. The article continues that Obama has hopes of “reining in a practice that is still widespread despite having

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Gay Men and the New Way Forward – why being different is a gift

In conversation with Raymond L. Rigoglioso Raymond L. Rigoglioso is the author of “Gay Men and the New Way Forward” and Founder of “Gay Men of Wisdom”. Ade Adeniji, Co-Founder of The Quest, talks to him about the unique gifts gay men have as a result of being different. Ade:  I think a good place

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Deconstructing ‘Shame’ and ‘Ashamed’

I was talking to someone recently about the work of The Quest. I had mentioned ‘shame’ as part of my response to a question he’d asked. “I do not feel ashamed about being gay”, he said very firmly, before I could finish my sentence. It’s a response I’ve heard from a few people when I

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Speaking from the ‘I’: Jean-Felix Callens

‘My Story‘ is an ongoing series featuring previous participants of The Quest Programme. Jean-Felix Callens attended The Quest Workshop in November 2014….. What brought you to The Quest Programme? Firstly, it was recommended by my psychotherapist. Secondly, it was recommended by two close friends. What was your experience of The Quest Programme? It was life

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The Two-Way (Being Asian and Gay in the UK)

Ian McCurrach (Editor of The Quest Newsletter) talks to Tahir Saleem (a previous participant on The Quest Programme) on being a Volunteer Assistant on The BME Quest Programme Ian: Tahir, you recently took part as an assistant on The Quest Programme for Black, African, Black Caribbean, mixed Black and other ethnicity (BME) Gay Men, and

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Speaking from the ‘I’: Graham Hadley

‘My Story‘ is an ongoing series featuring previous participants of The Quest Workshop. Graham Hadley attended The Quest Workshop in May 2013…… What brought you to The Quest Workshop? I was introduced to The Quest through a friend who had been on the weekend workshop. I had been doing lots of personal development work through

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Speaking from the ‘I’: Robert Ramcharan

‘My Story‘ is an ongoing series featuring previous participants of The Quest Workshop. Robert Ramcharan attended The Quest Workshop in January 2012….. What brought you to The Quest Workshop? After coming out as gay in my 40’s, I increasingly became a big believer that I personally needed to continually examine and develop myself and not

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THE TWO WAY

 Ian McCurrach talks to Shaun de Wet Steyn about his experience of The Daring Way™ workshop. Ian McCurrach: What drove you to enrol on The Daring Way™ workshop? What did you expect, and in what ways did you hope you would benefit? Shaun de Wet Steyn: I’m a bit of a self-confessed Brené Brown groupie

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Speaking from the ‘I’: Peter Cotton

‘My Story‘ is an ongoing series featuring previous participants of The Quest Workshop. Peter Cotton attended The Quest Workshop in November 2014….. What brought you to The Quest Workshop? I have come out as a gay man late in life and have been keen to develop an enjoyable and supportive network through which I can

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My Story: Paul

‘My Story‘ is an ongoing series featuring previous participants of The Quest Workshop. Paul Ryan attended The Quest Workshop in April 2014….. What brought you to The Quest Workshop? When the train hits the buffer it comes to a stop; well my life hit a buffer and I felt there was no way to go

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The Two Way

Ian McCurrach talks to Nirmal Sandhu about being Gay, British and Asian  Ian McCurrach In what specific ways is it difficult being a gay BME around the issues of sexuality in your experience? I’m thinking family, culture, friends and peers. Nirmal Sandhu Family: Being gay feels at odds with a sense of responsibility that I

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My story: Tobias

‘My Story‘ is an ongoing series featuring previous participants of The Quest Workshop. Tobias Oliver attended The Quest Workshop in November 2014….. What brought you to The Quest Workshop? The last two years has seen a great deal of challenge and change, both good and bad, for me and my family. Perhaps inevitably, this brought

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My story: Mark

‘My Story‘ is an ongoing series featuring previous participants of The Quest Workshop. Mark Ward attended The Quest Workshop in December 2012….. What brought you to The Quest Workshop? I ‘came out’ to everyone at the age of 48 in the summer of 2011. I had spent years of living a heterosexual life peppered with

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Searching for that place called ‘home’

In conversation with Jeremy Helligar Ade Adeniji (Co-Founder of The Quest) speaks to Jeremy about being black and gay, online dating, relationships, being an outsider, and much much more. Jeremy Helligar is a journalist, author, pop culturist and world traveler from New York City, where he spent 15 years working as a writer and editor

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My story: Ian

‘My Story‘ is an ongoing series featuring previous participants of The Quest Workshop. Ian Smith attended The Quest Workshop in September 2014….. What brought you to The Quest Workshop? I had developed a general malaise towards life. I felt disconnected from my friends and my surroundings. Feeling that no-one understood me and because of that

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My story: Steve

‘My Story‘ is an ongoing series featuring previous participants of The Quest Workshop. Steve Harding attended The Quest Workshop in June 2014….. What brought you to The Quest Workshop? I became aware of the work of The Quest through a mutual friend of Ade’s. Over the years I have done a fair amount of personal

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My story: Jide

‘My Story‘ is an ongoing series featuring previous participants of The Quest Workshop. Jide Rowland Macaulay attended The Quest Workshop in April 2014….. What brought you to The Quest Workshop? First it was my curiosity to find out what was going on. I knew that I had issues, mostly especially at the time I was

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The Two Way

Ian McCurrach talks to Darren Brady (Co-Founder of The Quest and The Daring Way™ Certified Facilitator-Candidate) about The Daring Way™ workshop Ian: Can you tell me what The Daring Way™ is all about? Darren: The Daring Way™ is the way in which Brené Brown translated the findings of her research and the content of her

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The Two Way

THE QUEST FACILITATORS FLY TO TEXAS Ian McCurrach talks to Darren Brady about his experience attending The Daring Way™ program, which is based on the research of Brené Brown. IAN: Darren, you have recently returned from Texas where you were with Brené Brown, can you tell us what the course is about? DARREN: The Daring

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The dilemma of ‘hook-up’ apps

In this Conflab, Ade Adeniji, Co-Founder of The Quest and Sunny Bahra, a previous participant of The Quest workshops, talk about gay men and the dilemma of hook-up apps. Ade: @HuffPostGay recently featured a piece entitled “why I’ve given up on hooking up” where the writer talked about his journey with ‘dating’ apps. What were

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The Two Way

Ian McCurrach talks to Peter Collins about his experience of marching in London Pride IM: Peter, I have never taken part in London Pride before, so what would you say to me, or others who have no previous experience about what they might expect to find? PC: London Pride is an extraordinary event, especially if

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The Two Way

Ian McCurrach talks to Ade Adeniji 5 Steps to Authentic Self Expression IM: What are the main outcomes of the Authentic Self Expression WorkOUT? AA: The session is an opportunity to deeply explore the different aspects of self-expression and examine how we ‘show up’ (or not) for each one of them. The intention is that

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Reflections on the Journey

Darren: As we approach our third year anniversary I thought it would be interesting to talk about the journey so far and where we intend to go next. When you look back over the last 3 years what stands out for you? Ade: So many things stand out – too many for this conflab! I

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The Two Way

Ian McCurrach talks to Peter Collins – The Quest Mastery Workshop vs The Power of Seven IM: What did you get out of The Quest Mastery? PC: I discovered an issue of unforgiveness for someone from my past that triggered a deep emotional release from something that I thought I’d settled many years ago. This

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The Past Is A Foreign Country

Editor of “Love Me As I Am: Gay Men Reflect on their Lives” and Quest Workshop participant, Francois Lubbe made a short film about Ade Adeniji’s journey with storytelling, the piece is titled ‘The Past Is A Foreign Country’. The short film takes a brief but in-depth look at the positive impact and healing power

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The horizon beyond Same-Sex Marriage

As the first same-sex marriages take place in England and Wales,  Ade Adeniji and Darren Brady talk about the issues beneath and beyond the legislation and their impact on Gay Men. Darren: What impact will same-sex marriage make to Gay men? Ade: It will have a multiple impact. Not just on gay men, but on

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Aching for Home

“The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.” – Maya Angelou I was disowned for 10 years when my family found out about my sexuality. About 3 years ago, one of my brothers died and I reconnected with my family

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Growing Up Gay in a Straight World

In this conflab, Ade Adeniji, Co-Founder of The Quest and Sunny Bahra, a previous participant of The Quest workshops, talk about the notion that ‘Gays need to grow up’. Ade: Beige Magazine recently ran an article with the headline ‘Gays need to grow up‘ and it struck a cord with many people. What were your

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Broadcasting Ourselves

Today at 4.37pm Scott, aged 5, looked at a Christmas brochure and pointed to a doll set. It includes ‘realistic’ doll, clothes, hair accessories and a dressing table. His eyes lit up and he jabbed the picture shouting “me, me, me for Mistmas ” It was 10.14 am when Jason, aged 12, spotted David in

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Race, Culture & Sexuality

In this conflab, Ade Adeniji, Co-Founder of The Quest and Sunny Bahra, a previous participant of The Quest workshops, talk about the journey of black/Asian gay men and the importance of having conversations about race, culture & sexuality. Ade: As you know, The Quest is co-organising an event this coming Friday titled “The Rainbow Intersection

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The Lure of Sex and Money

David, a previous participant of The Quest Workshops, recently performed on stage in the autobiographical storytelling piece ‘The Haunting’, here he reflects on his journey with the production. When I first said I’d participate in The Haunting, I had no idea what it would open up, where it would lead and what I would confront

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National Coming Out Day -Coming Out Still Matters

Ade: So, 11th October is celebrated as National Coming Out Day and the theme for this year is ‘Coming Out Still Matters’ – what does that theme mean to you? Darren: For me ‘coming out’ represents something different from the ‘one off’ event many of us consider it. I think that every day we make

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What are you into?

In this conflab, Ade Adeniji and Francois Lubbe talk about Gay Men, Online hook-ups, Dating, Sex and Intimacy. Ade: I’m really looking forward to our conversation, as the subject is one I am sure many gay men can relate to. I think a good place to start is the recent survey by Grindr, which said

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Sex, Drugs and Drink

In July, the Southbank hosted a discussion and debate chaired by Matthew Todd, Editor of Attitude magazine, looking at whether there is a problem with Drink, Drugs and Sex for Gay Men. Francois Lubbe, Editor of The Quest publication ‘Love Me As I Am‘ and The Quest Co- Founder, Darren Brady went along and this

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The State of Gay

There are two distinct and very different stories being told about the experience of being gay in the UK in 2013 and the difference in these stories could not be more stark. On the one hand, we have the positives – the soon to be legal status of gay marriage, established civil partnerships, increased visibility

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Daring Greatly with Brené Brown

Ernesto Moreno, Darren Brady and Ade Adeniji recently sat down for an interview with Brené Brown to talk about her work as it relates to the lives of gay men. Here Ade shares his reflections on the journey to meeting Brené. I remember being filled with such excitement and anticipation when in early April I

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Meeting Brené Brown

Ernesto Moreno, Darren Brady and Ade Adeniji recently sat down for an interview with Brené Brown to talk about her work as it relates to the lives of gay men. Here Darren shares his reflections on the journey to meeting Brené . There are moments in life where reality meets a dream. The moment someone

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About meeting Brené and being vulnerable

Ernesto Moreno, Darren Brady and Ade Adeniji recently sat down for an interview with Brené Brown to talk about her work as it relates to the lives of gay men. Here Ernesto shares his reflections on the journey to meeting Brené . Since I was a young teenager, I have been reading lots of personal

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The Quest sits down with Brené Brown

Navigating the gap between Shame and Pride Brené Brown PhD, LMSW is the author of the #1 New York Times Bestsellers Daring Greatly and The Gifts of Imperfection. She is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work and has spent the last 12 years studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and

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Reflections on Gay Pride

Ade: Around the world, the Gay Pride season has truly begun! When you think of Pride what comes up for you? Darren: Pride for me has always been synonymous with being within a large group – a sense of being the ‘majority’ for a day. I remember the feeling of walking on the marches with thousands of

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My New Best Friend!

When I was in Thailand recently a very powerful thing happened to me. Bear with me as this may sound a little strange… my body started talking to me. Many times before on holidays I have made it a routine to go running along the beach and this time was no exception. I found myself

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Masculinity, Manhood and being a Gay Man

Ade: So in our Conflab today, we are exploring the topic of masculinity, manhood and being a gay man. I thought a good place to start might be looking at this quote I came across in a blog recently – “As a gay, you understand that while you’ll always find peers who allow you to

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