My Wish for 2015……

Posted on January 1, 2015 by The Quest

We are conscious that this time of year is often a time of reflection and anticipation. We therefore felt it would be a lovely idea to once again kick start the new year with a blog post featuring some of the gay men who have journeyed with The Quest.

We hope that by sharing their responses we can highlight that we all connected and ‘hardwired for connection’; even though our journeys might often take us on different paths and look very different on the surface.

We asked the men to complete the four statements below:

  1. What I rediscovered from my journey with The Quest in 2014 was…….
  2. My 2015 Wish for myself is………….
  3. My 2015 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is………
  4. My 2015 Wish for the Gay Community is………..

  1. What I rediscovered from my journey with The Quest in 2014 is what I’m looking for in a relationship with other gay men is based on emotional intimacy, honesty, love, trust and respect.
  2. My 2015 Wish for myself is that I choose to fall in love with someone who is willing, ready and able to fall in love with me.
  3. My 2015 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is that all gay men accept and rejoice in that they are glorious, precious human beings worthy of being genuinely celebrated and honoured, free from shame, self-loathing and pain.
  4. My 2015 Wish for the Gay Community is that the gay community is fully integrated into and validated by society, being celebrated and honoured for its uniqueness.

– Michael


  1. What I discovered from my journey with The Quest in 2014 was how deeply and powerfully I can connect with other gay men if I allow myself to be open and honest and vulnerable.
  2. My 2015 Wish for myself is to be sufficiently in tune with myself and others, that I shall recognise the possibility of romance if it arises.
  3. My 2015 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is that we shall continue to find acceptance for who we are, and what we have to offer in the life of society.
  4. My 2015 Wish for the Gay Community is that it will continue to grow and flourish, so that all gay men will have the chance to overcome the threat of loneliness and alienation as they seek to live more boldly and lovingly.

– Peter


  1. What I rediscovered from my journey with The Quest in 2014 was that many of the hangups, anxieties and difficulties I have been living with as a gay man are not unique to me, and that in really thinking about how I would like to change things now, rather than always postponing things to the future, I am feeling in a much better place and much more at ease with myself. I’ve also learnt that it is possible to make meaningful and very deep connection with other gay men on a basis that starts with common bonds rather than sexual attraction or desire. I am really excited about the new friendships I have made, about this new sense of community, and it gives me great optimism as I head into 2015.
  2. My 2015 Wish for myself is to do my best, to accept that I will make mistakes along the way but that this will not be the end of the world, and to live in the now rather than constantly thinking about the past and the future, and to continue to develop the relationships I established with my fellow Questers.
  3. My 2015 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is to be content with who they are.
  4. My 2015 Wish for the Gay Community is to flourish with all its strengths, weaknesses and differences.

– Ben


  1. What I rediscovered from my journey with The Quest in 2014 was how my fear of disconnection has made me the way I am today; for my strengths and my limitations.
  2. My 2015 Wish for myself is that by being aware of my strengths and limitations I can evolve to have a fulfilling and exciting life, building strong relationships and getting over the blocks that don’t allow me today to do so.
  3. My 2015 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is that there’s more love and self-compassion, rather than fear and self-condemn.
  4. My 2015 Wish for the Gay Community is we all have made it somehow through a world that wasn’t made for us. Sometimes a world that was made against us. For 2015 I wish that there’s more and more support for those still struggling in that world. One gay man at a time we build a stronger world for all of us.

– David


 

  1. What I rediscovered from my journey with The Quest in 2014 was that I am not alone with my challenges and difficulties. We all have less than perfect childhoods, but being brought up as a gay man in a straight man’s world is inherently traumatic and from that trauma stems enough guilt and shame to sink a battleship. Therein lies the reason why many gay men are doubly neurotic, doubly addicted to numbing their pain with compulsive sex and alcohol and drugs, and twice as likely to top themselves. I have learned that the main difficulty for many gay men is healing the split between sex and love and intimacy and being clear about the difference between real healthy sexual attraction and loving intimacy and unhealthy sexual fetish and fantasy.
  2. My 2015 Wish for myself is that I continue to heal and work through my carried shame and guilt and learn to love myself and believe that I am worth loving and that I am desirable. Most of all I wish that I can stop looking for affirmation from another person and feel complete enough in myself to stay curious about my life and see my difficulties and challenges as an exciting journey, or an exciting book that I simply have to keep on reading to find out what happens in the end. I want to be happy joyous and free and live creatively in each moment.
  3. My 2015 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is that they learn to put aside their carried shame and guilt and grow to learn the difference between fetish and fantasy and mature adult sexual loving and intimacy. That they learn to love themselves.
  4. My 2015 Wish for the Gay Community is that it learns to stop thinking about itself as a fake gay community artificially constructed by entrepreneurs quick to exploit the sexual vulnerability and make a mint out of the pink pound. I wish it could learn to see itself as a fellowship of men and women who are deeply hurt and damaged by being brought up gay in a straight world and who need to be treated gently and respectfully with love, compassion and tenderness. We are too judgmental and critical of each other and too eager to lay the blame for our unhappiness outside of ourselves. All these things make us a community of similar people, not our dysfunctional sexual fantasies and fetishes.

– Peter

My 2015 Wish for myself is that I continue to heal and work through my carried shame and guilt and learn to love myself and believe that I am worth loving and that I am desirable – Peter


  1. What I rediscovered from my journey with The Quest in 2014 was I
    have the seeds of my happiness and if I choose to water and feed them
    then things will be better!
  2. My 2015 Wish for myself is I do more what I know I should do and
    less of what I know doesn’t help.
  3. My 2015 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is to find real love.
  4. My 2015 Wish for the Gay Community is to be a place of mutual
    respect, wholesome fun and chosen family.

– Raj


 

  1. What I rediscovered from my journey with The Quest in 2014 was that we each own the power to choose how we use our unique energies. The constant stream of opportunities allows a frequent decision making process about what is most important to us in that specific moment. Our choices lead to a gradual evolution in our lives. I also improved my self awareness and recognised my patterns of behaviour. Showing greater self compassion has also been crucial in feeling more at ease. The impact has been transformational for my relationship with myself and those around me.
  2. My 2015 Wish for myself is to leave time in my day to “be”, rather than focusing so heavily on what I have to “do”. This will allow me time to be more spontaneous and in the moment, focusing on genuine connection. By living authentically, I can be a role model for others who wish to make positive changes in their lives, but are not sure where to start
  3. My 2015 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is that we connect with each other authentically, recognising that it takes courage to speak from the heart and respecting this openness. I would like to see more empathy and less judgement of those different to ourselves. I hope for a more open debate about how to overcome shame, rather than relying on image, alcohol, drugs and sex to cope.
  4. My 2015 Wish for the Gay Community is that we use our uniqueness to create positive change in the world, knowing that it all starts with speaking from the “I”. We must take off our masks and disguises, showing up and being seen.

– Craig

I would like to see more empathy and less judgement of those different to ourselves. I hope for a more open debate about how to overcome shame, rather than relying on image, alcohol, drugs and sex to cope – Craig


 

  1. What I rediscovered from my journey with The Quest in 2014 was that I am good enough and loveable and worthy of love.
  2. My 2015 Wish for myself is love of some one special.
  3. My 2015 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is freedom to express their love for each other.
  4. My 2015 Wish for the Gay Community is Love.

– Paul


  1. What I rediscovered from my journey with The Quest since 2012 was I don’t have to be a victim to my early years programming.
  2. My 2015 Wish for myself is to be in command of the consequences of my internal dialogue.
  3. My 2015 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is to be more loving and less promiscuous.
  4. My 2015 Wish for the Gay Community is to be more loving and less promiscuous.

– Martin


  1. What I rediscovered from my journey with The Quest in 2014 was to put the past behind me, worry less about the future, and just deal with the present.
  2. My 2015 Wish for myself is to continue with small gains.
  3. My 2015 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is while we have made so much progress towards equality and acceptance, it seems so many parts of the world are heading backwards. My wish is for progress everywhere.
  4. My 2015 Wish for the Gay Community is for people to embrace their true selves and enjoy the simple things in life.

– David


  1. What I rediscovered from my journey with The Quest was self-empowerment.
  2. My 2015 Wish for myself is to carry on with honesty and humility.
  3. My 2015 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is strength and desire.
  4. My 2015 Wish for the gay community is strength and unity.

– Franko


  1. What I rediscovered from my journey with The Quest in 2014 was I do have unresolved issues with my sexual habits and my ability to handle confrontations. I try to please others by sometimes saying what I think what they would like to hear and then at the end not being happy about the situation that I may have created. The journey with The Quest has been interesting and I am glad I did it.
  2. My 2015 Wish for myself is to discover what I really want and focus on it. I am sure the bad d habits and behavior will creep in, but I need to find way to refocus myself again and again and again.
  3. My 2015 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is that they get acceptance, places where it is illegal to be gay changes, that they have the courage to come out to family and others (including for myself).
  4. My 2015 Wish for the Gay Community is that is grows closer and stronger to support each others, as friends, and that there is more compassion.

– Sachin


  1. What I rediscovered from my journey with The Quest in 2014 was I can be
    self confident, I have qualities I can use for job replacement, I can take care
    of my health by giving myself a calm space of meditation through yoga and by
    losing weight.
  2. My 2015 Wish for myself is not to be scared of changes and challenges in
    moving to another country for a new job and new perspectives.
  3. My 2015 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is to be more connected and to be able
    to share in authentic way.
  4. My 2015 Wish for the Gay Community is to be more focused on personal lives,
    and promote the well-being of community members.

– Marco


  1. Mark - 1What I rediscovered from my journey with The Quest in 2014 was……. It most definitely is a ‘journey’. I have taken off so many ‘masks’ over the last few years, especially since my first Quest Workshop in Dec 2012, but it always seems there are new unexpected masks underneath. This can be daunting and sometimes difficult. I constantly rediscover that two of The Quests most powerful messages, “striving for authenticity” and “learning to dare greatly” have helped me stay positive and ‘in the moment’ as I face my fears and do it anyway!
  2. My 2015 Wish for myself is to stay true to myself and what I call my ‘new-me’ness. This means constantly challenging old behaviours and habits. As a gay man who has come out later in life, my particular challenges are to not slip back into my previously comfortable closeted straight life and to keep questioning my own internalized homophobia that is subtle and multi-faceted even after 2 years of amazing Quest insights. I also want to make this journey as ‘fun’ as it is challenging.
  3. My 2015 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is to feel accepted and comfortable in their own skins. To be able to live their lives without fear, prejudice or shame.
  4. My 2015 Wish for the Gay Community is to draw on our huge strengths (gained from growing up gay in a straight world) to help society as a whole continue to become more tolerant, less judgmental, more thoughtful. A gay community should be an open and varied one with frayed edges and overlaps with multiple other communities locally, nationally and globally – and not a fortress against the world.

– Mark

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