Transformational spaces that explore + cultivate wholehearted living
David, a previous participant of The Quest Workshops, recently performed on stage in the autobiographical storytelling piece ‘The Haunting’, here he reflects on his journey with the production. When I first said I’d participate in The Haunting, I had no idea what it would open up, where it would lead and what I would confront
Ade: So, 11th October is celebrated as National Coming Out Day and the theme for this year is ‘Coming Out Still Matters’ – what does that theme mean to you? Darren: For me ‘coming out’ represents something different from the ‘one off’ event many of us consider it. I think that every day we make
In this conflab, Ade Adeniji and Francois Lubbe talk about Gay Men, Online hook-ups, Dating, Sex and Intimacy. Ade: I’m really looking forward to our conversation, as the subject is one I am sure many gay men can relate to. I think a good place to start is the recent survey by Grindr, which said
In July, the Southbank hosted a discussion and debate chaired by Matthew Todd, Editor of Attitude magazine, looking at whether there is a problem with Drink, Drugs and Sex for Gay Men. Francois Lubbe, Editor of The Quest publication ‘Love Me As I Am‘ and The Quest Co- Founder, Darren Brady went along and this
There are two distinct and very different stories being told about the experience of being gay in the UK in 2013 and the difference in these stories could not be more stark. On the one hand, we have the positives – the soon to be legal status of gay marriage, established civil partnerships, increased visibility
Ernesto Moreno, Darren Brady and Ade Adeniji recently sat down for an interview with Brené Brown to talk about her work as it relates to the lives of gay men. Here Ade shares his reflections on the journey to meeting Brené. I remember being filled with such excitement and anticipation when in early April I
Ernesto Moreno, Darren Brady and Ade Adeniji recently sat down for an interview with Brené Brown to talk about her work as it relates to the lives of gay men. Here Darren shares his reflections on the journey to meeting Brené . There are moments in life where reality meets a dream. The moment someone
Ernesto Moreno, Darren Brady and Ade Adeniji recently sat down for an interview with Brené Brown to talk about her work as it relates to the lives of gay men. Here Ernesto shares his reflections on the journey to meeting Brené . Since I was a young teenager, I have been reading lots of personal
Navigating the gap between Shame and Pride Brené Brown PhD, LMSW is the author of the #1 New York Times Bestsellers Daring Greatly and The Gifts of Imperfection. She is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work and has spent the last 12 years studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and
Ade: Around the world, the Gay Pride season has truly begun! When you think of Pride what comes up for you? Darren: Pride for me has always been synonymous with being within a large group – a sense of being the ‘majority’ for a day. I remember the feeling of walking on the marches with thousands of
When I was in Thailand recently a very powerful thing happened to me. Bear with me as this may sound a little strange… my body started talking to me. Many times before on holidays I have made it a routine to go running along the beach and this time was no exception. I found myself
Ade: So in our Conflab today, we are exploring the topic of masculinity, manhood and being a gay man. I thought a good place to start might be looking at this quote I came across in a blog recently – “As a gay, you understand that while you’ll always find peers who allow you to
A participant on our recent one-day workshop ‘Getting Clear on Sex & Intimacy’ shares what led him to attend, and his insights from the journey. Reaching my mid 30s and not having a sense of what imtimacy is, let alone what it means to be, has been rather disconcerting. A comment Darren (co-founder of The Quest) made
Rainer, a participant on our recent workshop ‘Getting Clear on Sex and Intimacy‘, reflects on the one-day exploration. In our society there aren’t many places where I feel save enough to allow deepest feelings to occur. During the ‘Sex and Intimacy’ workshop in April, I had the possibility to ask myself how I am in
Jason, a recent participant of The Quest Weekend Exploration and The Quest Mastery Workshops, continues the personal story of his journey with The Quest. (Part 1) I began to regularly attend the First Tuesday Socials. Still shy and awkward though. This new peer group was so different from my “other” peer group. The one of
Jason, a recent participant of The Quest Weekend Exploration and The Quest Mastery Workshops, shares the personal story of his journey with The Quest. Hmm, my journey with The Quest. Okay, so where to start? Where to begin? Hmm, okay, here goes. Hi. My name is Jason. Pleased, very pleased to meet you. You may
Ade: In our upcoming one-day workshop on April 13th we will be exploring Sex and Intimacy. Do you feel that many gay men are able to distinguish between the two? We often see Sex portrayed in many of the gay magazines, and very little said about Intimacy, Connection, Openness and Engagement. I think many of us know
Peter, a recent participant of The Quest Weekend Exploration Workshop, talks about his faith and love of God. I’ve been wanting to share this story about my life and faith for some time, since my love of God is at the very foundation of who I am. My faith is so important to me in
In December 2012, Gabriel participated in The Quest Weekend Exploration Workshop. Here he reflects on his journey with The Quest. Despite being a lot in my head, sometimes I take decisions without thinking too much; I just jump into the water. The Quest was such a case! Late last year, a friend invited me to the book
“Breaking that silence means emerging from the closet of shame. To proclaim oneself openly as gay is, above all else, to come out of shame – profoundly, to break the silence. This is why the term “Coming Out “ is a shame metaphor’ – Gershen Kaufman and Lev Raphael (Coming Out of Shame – Transforming
~ Shame and Disclosure in the Curious Case of Lance Armstrong A Personal View, by Paul Woodward The world recently watched with anticipation as the most successful championship cyclist the sport has ever seen perform an extraordinary series of disclosures in his highly publicised interview with Oprah Winfrey. Despite many years of staunch denial, supported
Mark, a recent participant of The Quest Weekend Exploration Workshop, shares the journey of him coming to terms with his sexuality – and coming out as a gay man, later in life. I first noticed I might be relating to the world differently from many other boys when I was very young. My friends at
Welcome to The QuestConflab. What is a Conflab? It’s pretty simple really, Conflab is another term for an ‘informal discussion’. Every fortnight, Ade and Darren, founders of The Quest, discuss and explore a different theme. The theme of this Conflab is – “I’m fine, I don’t need any help” Darren: Something I have been thinking about a lot
~ A Dramaturg’s Perspective on ‘Beneath The Surface: Real Life Stories’ As we await the next incarnation of The Quest storytelling performance inspired by The Velvet Rage… Paul Woodward, the production Dramaturg reflects here about how the original production Velvet Rage: Real Life Stories was shaped and structured, and the processes which brought the piece
It’s been two years since Attitude broke new ground with the ‘‘issues issue’’ which focused on the sensitive and somewhat taboo issues of mental health problems in gay men. Sparking a national debate, this special edition of Attitude lifted the veil from discussing controversial issues such as internalised homophobia, depression, sex-addiction and shame in an
Welcome to The QuestConflab. What is a Conflab? It’s pretty simple really, Conflab is another term for an ‘informal discussion’. Every fortnight, Ade and Darren, founders of The Quest, discuss and explore a different theme. The theme of this Conflab is – Gay Men Living Their Best Lives Ade: So, it’s the beginning of the year and many
We hope you enjoy the The QuestConflab. What is a Conflab? Its pretty simple really, Conflab is another term for an ‘informal discussion’. The theme of this Conflab is – What does this Time of Year mean to gay men? We would welcome your thoughts, reflections and feedback on the discussion. Ade: So what are we conflabbing about today?
We are really excited to introduce another innovative offering to our friends and supporters, and that is – ‘The QuestConflab’. What is a Conflab? Its pretty simple really, Conflab is another term for an ‘informal discussion’. How did the idea come about? Due to our passion for working with gay men and exploring what lies
At the age of 23 I stood trembling at the entrance to my mum’s bedroom and as she sat at her dressing table I stuttered the words- ‘mum I have something to tell you’ ‘I know’ she replied stealing my thunder and upstaging my moment. In that moment there was incredible relief, but in the
Tell your children about men who love men And women who love women, in all manner of ways. Tell them stories about the princess who meets her prince, yes, But tell them also about the princess Who made the flower girl her lady-in-waiting, And loved her dearly ‘til the day she died. Tell them of
I never got to come out to my father. And it was only after his passing that I came to learn that he knew about the ‘elephant in the room’, he had simply never asked me and I had simply never told. The first time I found out that he knew about the elephant in
What became apparent during our recent Gay Utopia event is that The Quest is beginning to form a new language around ‘who we are’ and ‘how we communicate as Gay Men’. The storytellers demonstrated this powerfully when they went onstage and shared their stories to an audience, and during the panel discussion it was clear to
At The Quest First Tuesday Social earlier this week, the host for the evening set lovely icebreakers to get people mingling and having some stimulating conversations. One of the tasks read – ‘Whilst you are talking to people introducing yourself, try to identify at least 3 BIG GAY MYTHS: e.g – ALL gay men love
I have often wondered how certain people manage to achieve so much. I have observed the rise of personalities who seem to be able to create and produce so many things in such short periods of time and I have gasped in admiration wondering ‘how did they do all that? As our weekend event- Gay
This past weekend has been such an exciting chapter in the journey of The Quest. It was not so long ago, on one sunny Sunday afternoon on 8th May 2011, that Darren and myself sat in a Thai restaurant on Charlotte Street and talked about the journey of gay men. We had just left an
Interview with Stuart Haggas of FS magazine Stuart – Being gay isn’t a choice, it’s part of who we are – but we do have a choice when it comes to our health and wellbeing (whether we chose to drink or smoke excessively, have unprotected sex etc), so why do so many gay men mismanage
Gay men and shame is not exactly an easy sell. How to make it sound fun, entertaining and attractive?
Later this year, The Quest will be publishing an anthology comprising the stories of gay men reflecting on their lives, and the experiences that have shaped the person that they are today.
The most expensive picture in the world: a scream Angst has never been so valuable. Edvard Munch’s The Scream has just fetched £74 million. It is a visual representation of something we can all identify with- inner pain. Has pain become the new ecstasy? It sounds contradictory, but is that how it works?
I don’t want to tell the truth. Today I have to make a two minute speech about The Quest to the other students and staff at the School for Social Entrepreneurs. I almost left the course over this. I contemplated withdrawing from The Quest over this. I don’t want to stand up and talk about
At the beginning of this year, during a conversation on Facebook with a friend from High School, he posted the following: “just read a post in which a family member said to confine your sexuality to the bedroom…something u should expect more of by the way…more people are gonna be upset especially as u seem
On the Weekend Exploration workshop, we spend a lot of time investigating ‘shame’. As part of that process, we explore how it might have shown up in our life in the past and where it might still be manifesting in our life today. Part of the exploration also includes investigating the methods we might have
Ade Adeniji and Darren Brady talk about The Quest.
When I read this recent article in the Guardian – Dominic Crouch: ‘I’m so, so sorry for what I’m about to do‘) – I found the initial shock and sorrow of reading about the teenagers suicide, almost eclipsed by the secondary tragedy of the father doing the same. What occurred to me in this devastating situation
Every so often I find myself repeating a habit or behaviour that I thought I had seen the last of. Those moments range from not expressing my needs, compromising rather than taking a stand or playing small when deep down I am longing to step into my power. On those occasions when my self defeating
City Councilman (Texas), Joel Burns, reaches out to GLBT teens (and adults), with a moving personal story and a message of hope.
Alan Downs, author of ‘The Velvet Rage’, speaks about shame based trauma.
At a recent outing to the Amsterdam Zoo, my partner could not wait to show me the butterfly enclosure. He’d been there before and had told me that it was his favorite part of the Zoo. It was truly spectacular, we were surrounded by an array of colours, and it was a moment that reminded