Alan Downs speaks about shame based trauma

Alan Downs, author of ‘The Velvet Rage’, speaks about shame based trauma.

The Quest and Metamorphosis

At a recent outing to the Amsterdam Zoo, my partner could not wait to show me the butterfly enclosure. He’d been there before and had told me that it was his favorite part of the Zoo. It was truly spectacular, we were surrounded by an array of colours, and it was a moment that reminded me of childhood, full of innocence and wonder.

A short while later, I asked where the caterpillars were. We found them down in the lower level, and as we headed there I noticed that this part of the enclosure was almost empty; compared to the upper level, which was full of people mesmerized by the colours. Continue Reading →

Please hear what I’m not saying.

Don’t be fooled by me.
Don’t be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks, 
Masks that I’m afraid to take off 
And none of them is me. 
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Discipline, energy and ‘walking the talk’.

We have set ourselves a big mission- ” To transform the relationships Gay men have with themselves, others and the world they inhabit.”

How do we make that happen?

We create.
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Regret or not to regret, that is the question….

Saw this article in the Guardian and thought that regret one, three and five were particularly pertinent to the work we do at The Quest…..read on…..

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. Continue Reading →

My Velvet Rage

When I was a young child between the ages of 2 – 9 I lived what I now consider a reasonably blissful life. I lived within to bosom of my family. I was safe, protected, engaged and for the most part, happy. I had the companionship of my slightly older brother, the nurturing of my mother and the stabilising presence of my ambitious father. There was fun, focus and clearly defined boundaries. It was a time when children played in the street, the fields, the trees and the back gardens. During those formative years I learnt how to play within a group, to find my voice, to explore and be creative. I felt part of something fun, exciting and alive.
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Life after the weekend workshop…when the rubber hits the road!

The weekend workshop was a process of cathartic release. We explored the past, released some pain, distinguished the roots and glanced at the future. At the end of this process many were relieved of the past to some degree. For some there was a glimpse of authentic validation which felt new and deliciously wonderful. The sense of freedom was real and the accompanying energy, positivity and love was tangible.
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Sailing with the Quest…

Leading the Quest workshops feels like setting sail on a journey of self discovery.
As Captains of the ship I see our duty is to –
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The Funeral

The Funeral is dedicated to every person still suffering discrimination and prosecution because of his or her sexuality, as well as those burdened with homophobic bullying by the people who are supposed to love, protect and serve them… especially the men and women of Africa. Continue Reading →

The Quest

Somewhere along the way
I lost touch with myself
From being told I was flawed
From believing that I was broken
From being an outsider
Learning that being different,
meant being abnormal.

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