“My Wish for 2014……”

Posted on January 1, 2014 by The Quest

We are conscious that this time of year is often a time of reflection and anticipation. We therefore felt it would be a lovely idea to kick start 2014 with a blog post featuring some of the gay men who have journeyed with The Quest. We hope that by sharing their responses we can highlight that we all connected and ‘wired for connection’; even though our journeys might often take us on different paths.

We asked the men to complete the four statements below:

  1. What I learnt from my journey with The Quest in 2013 was…….
  2. My 2014 Wish for myself is………….
  3. My 2014 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is………
  4. My 2014 Wish for the Gay Community is………..

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  • What I learnt from my journey with The Quest in 2013 was that I can speak from the heart.
  • My 2014 Wish for myself is that I keep speaking from the heart to the lovely man I met not long after doing The Quest course.
  • My 2014 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is that they get to come together & explore in wonderful non-commercial spaces, like that provided by The Quest.
  • My 2014 Wish for the Gay Community is that we learn to support gay communities around the world in ways that see their problems contextually and provide useful support and encourage positive change.

– Meirion

  • What I learnt from my journey with The Quest in 2013 was I am not alone.
  • My 2014 Wish for myself is giving and finding more love and friendship in the world.
  • My 2014 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is acceptance, fulfillment and happiness.
  • My 2014 Wish for the Gay Community is to stop feeling like it is a ghetto and start accepting that it is a self-supporting, creative and acceptable place to be, where there is no need for shame or apologies for being true to oneself.

– John

  • My 2014 wish for Gay Men everywhere is courage so that they can show up and let themselves be seen.
  • My 2014 wish for the Gay Community is to show more care for each other and to do more personal work for themselves.

– Ernesto

  • What I learnt from The Quest in 2013 – so many things!! I’ve learned to navigate my life in a fundamentally different (and often uncomfortable) way, that gay men can powerfully help to heal each other, and that the work we are doing is growing because it is essential.
  • My wish for myself in 2014 – a year filled with love!
  • My 2014 wish for Gay Men everywhere is to have the courage to look within, the love to forgive and the determination of expression and truth.
  • My 2014 wish for the Gay Community is to lead. To embrace the power and the gift we are to the world and to use it for the betterment of all.

– Darren

  • What I learnt from my journey with The Quest in 2013 was that The Quest has given me tools to live a more rounded, authentic, happier life. What I have learned is that, in the end, I am responsible for my own happiness.
  • My 2014 Wish for myself is to “be the change I want to see in the world”
  • My 2014 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is Equal rights now.
  • My 2014 Wish for the Gay Community is to embrace the idea of “brotherly love” and as a community, rather than judging and belittling, that we start treating all other gay people as family.

– Mark

  • What I learnt from my journey with The Quest in 2013 was….2013 has been a big step in my journey of insight into myself and learning about the world around me. It’s been an intense master class through a number of the activities and courses that I took over the year. One of the most impactful courses has been the Quest weekend workshop. It’s been a great experience, one that helped me understand better who I am, one that allowed me to experience past experiences in my life that were unresolved, that were still very open wounds and that I did not even know about. Through the weekend workshop and the 12 day challenge, I have been able to recognise these areas and throughout the subsequent months been able to recognise the pain and let it go. I’ve started to recognise how good a person I can be and how it can live my own authentic life. I think I have attended almost every Quest social event since joining. I find this such a great way to meet gay men in a non sexualised setting. This has allowed me to grow real friendships with gay men, ones that I have not had sex with first. It makes the idea of being gay for me normal again.
  • My 2014 Wish for myself is…..Following my success in personal development in 2013, I hope that 2014 will allow me to grow in myself and gain further confidence in my central core. I look to grow my new found gay friendships and hope that I continue to have as much fun as I learn to be my most authentic self.
  • My 2014 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is that all gay men can be their true selves without masks, with confidence in themselves and with role models in their communities who can help and support them.
  • My 2014 Wish for the Gay Community is that the gay community can better integrate into society across the globe. I wish that those less fortunate are supported by those whose cultures have become more progressive and i have confidence that the small part that I play in this can change lives and change cultures.

– Thomas

  • What I learnt from my journey with The Quest in 2013 was that there are amazing gay men out there, with many of us wearing masks covering our true selves; and that we all have a yearning to be seen, heard, loved and accepted exactly as we are.
  • My 2014 Wish for myself is to keep practicing my commitment to live an integrated and congruent life, whilst embodying my mantra – “wholeheartedness over hustling – even when its uncomfortable”.
  • My 2014 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is to deeply know that each of us is worthy of love, joy and belonging and that we do not need to hustle for worthiness. And that we should ‘not stay where we are tolerated, but go where we are celebrated’.
  • My 2014 Wish for the Gay Community is to start embodying and re-creating the true essence of ‘community’ – a space where each of us can come for support, nurture and compassion – knowing that we can take off our masks, that we will not be judged, that we can simply be ourselves and that no hustling is required.

– Ade

  • What I learnt from my journey with The Quest in 2013 was authenticity is a journey and not a destination.
  • My 2014 Wish for myself is Patience, because self-development can take time.
  • My 2014 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is to live the life they have imagined, because we can dwell too much in the past and over analyse the future.
  • My 2014 Wish for the Gay Community is togetherness.

– Keat

  • What I learnt from my journey with The Quest in 2013 was that even though someone may have been on the weekend workshop and become a graduate, they are not then automatically on the same path or journey as yourself and therefore, this needs to be bourne in mind and taken into consideration when interacting with them, especially on joint ventures.
  • My 2014 Wish for myself is to continue to remain strong and resolute, discover myself and love who I am becoming as an authentic gay man.
  • My 2014 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is for them to take time out for themselves and get to know who they really are as an individual.
  • My 2014 Wish for the Gay Community is not to become complacent or forget about what has gone before and therefore allow history to repeat itself.

– John

  • What I learnt from my journey with The Quest in 2013 was…. although I didn’t realise it at the time I started my journey with The Quest, my biggest issue was what triggered my constant outbursts of anger. The Quest provided me with the tools to recognise my triggers and gave me ways on how to process / resolve them. This has resulted in me being more content within myself, with my partner, my friends and all those I meet. I feel liberated from the chains that kept me in a constant loop of unhappiness. I know I still have a long way to go on my journey to rediscover me, how could I possibly resolve 40 years of old patterns in such a short period of time? But I know the process is working, I feel lighter, happier and more content in who I am. My friends have noticed this change and my relationships with them have become deeper, more supportive and more meaningful.
  • My 2014 Wish for myself is to continue my journey – to become more authentic and more acceptant of who I am. To obtain a deeper understanding of my story, my life and being truly content with it. It’s my story and I need to own it. I am here to live my life – not a life I think I should lead, or a life that others want me to lead. Just my life, the life I really want. I’ve seen glimpses of it and I am starting to really like it!
  • My 2014 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is to stop and listen. The Quest has taught me how similar gay mens’ issues can be. I used to think it was only me who had these issues of unhappiness, lack of self worth and that I was the only one who was inadequate. But I now know, through my time with The Quest, that we are all quite similar and as a group, gay men can be very unhappy and self destructive. In 2014 break the circle, become who you really are, not what others want you to be. Find the authentic you, because like me, you might like it!
  • My 2014 Wish for the Gay Community is that the community understand that drugs and parties are not the answer to numbing the pain – that more come to realise the importance of taking stock of who we really are, because this is what really matters……. Discovering that we are all beautiful and capable of achieving fulfilment is a worthwhile objective.

– James

  • What I learnt from my journey with The Quest in 2013 was that I can be more aware of who I am as a gay man, through a deep sharing with other gay men in an authentic environment. Joy and compassion is around the corner and together we can cultivate a fulfilling life.
  • My 2014 Wish for myself is to keep walking in the pathway of connection, vulnerability, listening and expression of my true self; also with The Questers support.
  • My 2014 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is to have the courage to face their shame, so that they can feel the desire to start a journey for living a deeply authentic and fearless life.
  • My 2014 Wish for the Gay Community is to keep fighting for our rights, but not forgetting to promote a more supportive and compassionate world.

– Marco

  • What I learnt from my journey with The Quest in 2013 was that being vulnerable provides me with an authentic platform for leadership within my own communities and within communities in which I work. Being vulnerable inspires others and allows me to lead by example.
  • My 2014 Wish for myself is I intend to remain connected with The Quest Community. I commit myself to taking the very best care of myself and to finding peace and tranquillity in my life. I will endeavour to stop blaming and judging others and the institutions and organisations that I encounter in my personal and working life. I will also commit to allowing my vulnerability to shine through. I will embrace my own courage by building a number of connected respectful relationships with a number of gay men in my life (some of these men I have not met yet). In my work I commit to human connectedness; I will embrace and nurture men’s feelings and support them as they express their feelings.
  • My 2014 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is  Freedom from oppression, opportunity to be who we truly are. Justice, fairness and a sense of belonging. Pride in our courage and the opportunity to share our journeys and chronicle our history. I want the gay community everywhere to embrace and stand by our brothers who are living with HIV, I want the gay community everywhere to challenge HIV related stigma in all aspects of our lives.
  • My 2014 Wish for the Gay Community is Pride from a place of authenticity, connectedness, respectful and loving relationships.

– Danny

  • What I learnt from my journey with The Quest in 2013 was its a never-ending journey and only by ‘stepping up’ and doing ‘the work’ have I made progress! And I have – in large part thanks to the Quest.
  • My 2014 Wish for myself is to be more gentle on myself and to be ‘in the moment ‘as the truly amazing authentic person the Quest has helped me see who I can truly be.
  • My 2014 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is to be able to celebrate all parts of themselves, not just, but including, their sexualities (the differences and the similarities to/from other gay men) free from prejudice, hatred, shame and fear.
  • My 2014 Wish for the Gay Community is that a true ‘community’ continues to grow from local to global of all peoples of different sexualities and their wonderful allies and that this community can be accepted as both different and the same as the wider community of all those who stand up against prejudice and discrimination.

– Mark

  • What I learnt from my journey with The Quest in 2013 was to try.
  • My 2014 Wish for myself is to love who I am, not who I think others want me to be.
  • My 2014 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is to open their hearts before their pants.
  • My 2014 Wish for the Gay Community is to connect.

– Pete

  • What I learnt from my journey with The Quest in 2013 was that it was okay to be me. I had never believed that I was enough because of the doubts that sprang from those parts of me that I had avoided confronting. The Quest provided me with a framework of support which, whilst challenging, enabled me to explore in a safe environment those issues which constrained me. The process resulted in demons, real or imagined, being slayed and, as a consequence, my self confidence has never been higher.
  • I have also learnt that gay men can form a community that is authentic, honest and genuinely loving.

– Rod

  • What I learnt from my journey with The Quest in 2013 was that it’s ok to admit that I’m hurting and don’t have the answers. That things do get better with the right kind of work.
  • My 2014 Wish for myself is to continue growing and being as honest with myself as I can be.
  • My 2014 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is to be more compassionate to each other.
  • My 2014 Wish for the Gay Community is to embrace each other.

– Sunny

  • What I learnt from my journey with The Quest in 2013 was the importance of non-judgement of others, how important is admission of limitation within yourself and how liberating openness is for progression.
  • My 2014 Wish for myself is to continue this inner search to allow me to be a better and good person towards mankind.
  • My Wish for 2014 for gay men everywhere is to have the courage and strenght to be true to themselves.
  • My Wish 2014 for the gay community is to unite further in love and acceptance of gay diversities.

– Franko

  • What I learnt from my journey with The Quest in 2013 was that we all have within us the ability to change the script of our life, and that in The Quest we have a unique and precious community of men who are doing the same individually and collectively.
  • My 2014 Wish for myself is to embrace my own personal growth, and to step into my vulnerability, because this is the only true springboard through which greater things can, and will, be reached.
  • My 2014 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is to love yourself in the same way you love someone or something very precious to you. Be your own best friend, your truest ally, your own personal cheerleader.
  • My 2014 Wish for the Gay Community is to make a shift in its collective consciousness from self destruction to self love, to move away from numbing and instead turn to nurturing, and to realise that to find true meaning you need to search inward instead of seeking it in the outward.

– Naveen

  • What I’ve learnt so far on my Quest voyage is how much love, support,courage and honesty there is amongst gay men if the time, circumstances and the environment is right to facilitate the flowering of intimacy, vulverability, trust and authenticity.
  • My wish for myself this year is to make friends with other gay men on an emotionally intimate level who will love me because of my faults, foibles and failings and not despite them.
  • My wish for every gay man everywhere is to know that he is enough.
  • My wish for the gay community is to know that authenticity is based on love, joy, respect, intimacy, acceptance, forgiveness and trust and not on the soullessness of self abuse, numbing, avoidance and disconnection.

– Michael

  • What I learnt from my journey with The Quest in 2013 was that past pain does not have to be a hindrance to living a more fulfilled life and that at my core I have an inner strength that I can harness to live in the present and engage wholeheartedly and authentically with life.
  • My 2014 Wish for myself is to continue to live my life wholeheartedly, truthfully and with compassion and passion.
  • My 2014 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is to be compassionate to themselves and each other.
  • My 2014 Wish for the Gay Community is to be open, accepting and fully embrace the diversity within it.

– Nirmal

  • What I learnt from my journey with The Quest in 2013 was ….. I have learnt more about myself in the last year, than any other year in my life. Specifically I’ve learnt to be honest about what I really want, instead of trying to be cool, or pretending I’m strong and have got it all together. I suppose that’s learning to be vulnerable? That has led to much greater honesty and depth of connection with everyone around me.
  • My 2014 Wish for myself is to be true to my own values and standards and to bring integrity, authenticity and wholehearted love to my relationship with the extraordinary man I am to marry later this year.
  • My 2014 Wish for Gay Men everywhere is that they will take the time to pause and reflect on their lives and to honestly evaluate whether or not their current lifestyle is bringing them genuine and sustainable happiness and connection with those around them. And if it’s not, to start to make new choices that lead their lives toward the kind of love and intimacy that is available to all of us.
  • My 2014 Wish for the Gay Community is that more and more gay men would experience The Quest weekend workshop and for us to continue to build an alternative style of gay community that is focussed on connection and intimacy, rather than sex and immediacy.

– Peter

 Feel free to share your own responses with us in the comment section below ……..

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